Life n its Lessons

It was a funny evening .. i was out with a few friends at baluchi’s just for casual drinks and dinner ..

During the course of the night friend happened to mention that he is really disappointing he has not had a two way click with anyone post his first wife with whom he parted ways about 4 years back … Either she is not indian or there is no chemistry or her priorities are not matching with mine or she slept with me on the first date.. the list goes on and on

i stayed with the guy for 3 years so i kinda know about the women that he has been dating over the years …and if i were t give my honest opinion .. at 42 … i think he has his bar of expectations set too high..

The second guy who was on the table is 30 something … don’t know him too well but i have heard him talk about his preference a couple of times .. and i honestly thought he needs to look on mars for a match

i know someone who is 56 and single …craves everyday that he had someone special to only talk…

The night was young and drinks where pouring across the bar … but for some strange reason i was stuck in a moment .. a lingering thought …

I first fell in love when i was 13 … with a girl that i saw one glimpse of ..went out with her for eternity.. piratically grew up with her

The second time i was 21 and well took me a month .. but i did take the leap again .. with a real bumpy 4 year ride… almost made it though

The Third time i was 26 ..took me a year … and it ended even before it started

I am 27 now …. “P” is 42 and “V” is 30 something “A” is 52 … hmm

Individual outlook ? Hmm maybe…. but not convincing enough

Man learns with time .. as he grows older mostly with experience…which shapes his perspective. But what man perceives need not always be the truth

The more i thought about it the more i came to terms with the fact .. That its human nature to complicate things…. even if the answer hit you smack in between your eyes…

Ignorance towards others individuality and obsession with our search for perfection often lets one miss out on the small joys of life …

As a wise man once told me.. if you seek mangoes in winter .. you shall find none

Peace
Timber Da Wolf

An Interesting Story

One day I hopped  in  a  taxi  and we took off for the airport. We were 
driving  in  the  right  lane  when suddenly  a black car jumped out of a 
parking  space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, 
skidded  and  missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other 
car whipped his head around and started Yelling at us. My taxi driver just 
smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean he was really friendly. So I asked, “Why did you just do that? That guy almost ruined your car and 
sent us to the hospital!”

That  is  when  my  taxi driver taught me what I now call, “Law of the 
Garbage Truck.”

He  explained  that  many  people are like garbage trucks. They run around 
Full  of  garbage,  full  of  frustration,  full  of  anger,  and  full of 
disappointment.  As  their  garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it 
and  sometimes  they  dump  it  on  you. Don’t take it personally. Just 
smile,  wave,  wish  them  well, and move on. Don’t take their garbage and 
spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.The  bottom  line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take 
over  their  day. Life’s too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, 
So…..

“Love the people who treat you right. Wish well for the ones who don’t..”

Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Its been a while since i have been this numb … but sure does remind me of the days ..

Sometimes i wish if it was my ego …..would make it easier on me and make it all my fault ..

Over the years for some strange reason i have put my best foot forward always to maintain relations with close friends and loved ones .. no matter how bumpy of a ride i may have had with them …

if you care enough for someone to a point .. where it doesn’t matter who’s fault it is .. An apology doesn’t take much effort as my dad used to say …it doesn’t matter if you have to put down your pride .. but it does matter if it was your self respect

Realizing  the difference between the two doesn’t come easy … takes alot of falling and even more a strong heart ..  sometimes our emotions get the better of us .. but its ok no man is ever right always and experience only comes with bad choices …

Everyone one including me has made them … such is life keep moving

Peace

Timber Da Wolf

Who can say
Where the road goes
Where the day flows
- Only time

Who can say why your heart sighs
as your love flies
-Only time

And who can say why your heart cries
when your love lies
-Only time

Who can say when the roads meet
that love might be
in your heart

And who can say
when the day sleeps
if the night keeps
all your heart

Night keeps all your heart

Who can say if your love grows
as your heart shows
-Only time

And who can say
Where the road goes
Where the day flows,
-Only time

Who knows-only time
Who knows-only time…..

~ Enya

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.

Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin!

Its not everyday that you realize what a jackass you are in matters of the heart with close friends and loved ones…

It started 2 weeks back at the hard rock cafe when i was out hanging out with a few friends … and a very dear friend passed a statement about me…. mentioned in all good intention and taken in the right spirit by me .. Struck a cord with me .. i happened to ask him the next day when i was sober and he told me maybe he didn’t use the right words but i knew what he meant …

Considering the connection i share with him i got a rough idea about the matter … I gave it a thought realized it but did nothing about it … until this evening when it was hammered into my head by a chain of events which i never imagined in my wildest dreams would occur … maybe i should have seen it coming ..

What those events where are little too personal for me to disclose

On my way back home i was putting things together .. a few questions arose in my mind, i called up another friend and asked her … Although i knew it would push her off the edge.. Its just something i had to get in the clear ..i got my answers but yet they didn’t seem convincing enough…

Took me a couple of weeks of pondering around with my thoughts and conversations with some friends to come to a conclusion

Love is blind…. Friendship tries not to notice…

The Rational behind calling someone a close friend or a loved one is when you let your guard down around them..and share n care a little more then the average

Events are likely to occur with them just as they would with a normal person with who you may have your guard up against…and there is not much one can do besides take it with a pinch of salt…

In Love or in Friendship being a jackass is but natural … i have been one for a while and will continue to be for the rest of my life … choosing not to do so would lead my soul into solitude … and solitude is a temporary asylum which can never last a lifetime …

Peace
Timder Da Wolf

Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.

The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter,
“Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don’t fall into the river.”

The little girl said,
“No, Dad. You hold my hand.”

“What’s the difference?”
Asked the puzzled father.

“There’s a big difference,”
replied the little girl.

“If I hold your hand and something happens to me,
chances are that I may let your hand go.

But if you hold my hand,
I know for sure that no matter what happens,
you will never let my hand go.”

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond.

So hold the hand of the person who loves you,
rather than expecting them to hold yours…

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake.

Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they’re getting married, they’ll say: “We’re in love”;

I believe this is the ..1 mistake people make when they date.

Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound “not politically correct”, there’s a profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage . When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.

Let me say it again: “You can’t build a lifetime relationship on love alone”; You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you’re serious about finding and keeping a life partner :-

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you’re married for 20 or 30 years, that’s a long time to live with someone.

What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful.

You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart.

To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!

Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.

Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won’t get “punished”; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as “someone who is always striving to be good and do the right “;. So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a  materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world:

(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and

(2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed?

To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they
have gratitude and appreciation?

If they don’t have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I’m hoping to change about this person after we’re married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to “improve”; them after they’re married.

As a colleague of mine puts it: “You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse” If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don’t want to find yourself trouble because you didn’t do your homework.

Another perspective. ..

There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.

Pay attention… Which ones lift and which ones lean?

Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?

When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?

Which ones always have drama or don’t really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you…the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, “Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye”; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don’t let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don’t fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren’t really that important.

Do you bring out the best in each other?

Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?

What do you bring to the relationship?

Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can’t take someone to the altar to alter them. You can’t make someone love you or make someone stay.

If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and “a life”; you won’t find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:

1. TRUST

2. COMMUNICATION

3. INTIMACY

4. A SENSE OF HUMOR

5. SHARING TASKS

6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN

7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc.)

8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS

9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE

10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace.

One can get the other high..
One can make the other cry …
One can make the other smile..
One can make the other shy..

But One can never make the other … Love, Care or Share

Why ? Well cause the sky is high

Its Human nature…..The better one understands it ..
A thought of rationality settles in answering questions as stated above

Peace
Timber Da Wolf